Calling Out the "One Date Wonder"

I recently googled "online dating sucks." Obviously google would be able to allay my frustration by validating my current opinion of the service.

It did...kinda

But, there is one blog I came across that had a very skewed perspective. It was online dating from a woman's perspective. Call me sexist, but her opinions are as useful to me as a solar powered flash light. She suggests that those who are not used to rejection should not be dating on the interwebs in the first place. She also said that there will be bad dates. Here is my problem: She has gone on many dates, seen many men and is able to filter out those who she thinks aren't relationship material. She is a serial dater. For women on dating websites, this dynamic is near-universal. I hear complaints about "creeps," "loners," "Ed Hardy wearing," "douchey"and "clingers." They are vague on what they want, but get angry when it doesn't go their way. But, they can be picky. They can be choosy, snobby, selective, rigorous, scrupulous, prudent and prude and they will eventually get what they want.

What I want: a date. To get to know you. To see if there is some sort of attractiveness or connection on a mental or emotional level. Or, maybe you'll end being a friend. Someone I can confide in and trust. Or, there could be nothing.

I have come to realization that online dating is a digital mirror of what I have been unsuccessful at in the real world. Women get the smorgasbord, get to choose the best sushi from the buffet and can leave the rest for the alley dumpster. When I am down on myself, the generic "keep trying" and "don't give up" and "you'll find someone" sounds all too familiar. And that familiarity makes me cynical.

Peace.

Date 1 Insights

Date 1 went well. The only downside of the night was the Hollywood Bowl traffic I had to deal with. It took me nearly 2 hours to get from Studio City to Hollywood. I took my date to Yamashiro, a Japanese restaurant designed like a tea house. I had been there once before, and spent an exorbitantly large amount of money (close to $200 for two people). The conversation was non-stop from 7:30pm until 11:30pm, so much so that we forgot to look at the drink selections until about 8:30pm, and didn't order an appetizer until 9pm.

I find that the best dates are ones where the two "Datees" can converse for hours, fluidly transitioning from one topic to another with relative ease. A first date location should be quiet, but not too intimate. The more private the date, the more awkward it gets. This facilitates healthful conversation, which allows for the datees to get to know each other. The setting also allows for stability and consistency, which means that any feelings over the location choice and its connection to the desires of either datee is an afterthought, overshadowed by the possible emotional connection that the datees might have. In other words, all things are held constant, and the focus can remain on each of the datees. It is through this experience, that a connection or a revelation of impassible difference can be brought forward.

Hopefully, I found a connection.

What is Nerd?

There is an episode of the Simpsons where Homer goes back to college. It turns out that he never graduated, even though is a a safety supervisor at a nuclear plant. In the episode Homer gets help from a group of National Lampoon-esque nerds. They have glasses, they do not shower much, they make math jokes and they are totally unaccustomed to the outside world. One scene, Snake (the "bad boy" criminal recurring character) identified himself as the "wallet inspector" and stole the nerds' wallets. Homer, who has an impulse to pick on the nerds, finds compassion for their situation and they, in turn, help him graduate.

That is a nerd.

But...not so much anymore.

If you have an OKCupid profile, or are one Jdate or have some other weird online dating account, you will often see in the "Description," "Essay" and/or "Tell Us About Yourself" section that the person puts "I am such a nerd." This usually follows some statement about playing a video game, owning a video game console or mentioning the words "science fiction."

Nerds wear thick rimmed glasses.

In their profiles, they have a picture of them wearing glasses. While the nerd wears them because they have bad eyesight, some of these people wear the glasses to conform to some "nerd-chic" and not out of necessity.

"Oh my god...I'm such a nerd."

What does that even mean, anymore? There is a philosophy that I follow - if a concept is applied universally (or near-universally), it loses its meaning.

While the "nerd" is non universally applied, it is being stretched beyond its original meaning - a clique, looked down upon by the popular group and beat up by the jocks (this is a generalization that keeps out fringe/fluidly integrated groups - IE stoners, metalheads, goths, etc who can move from one group to another).

Dare I say that nerd has been co-opted by hipsters? They wear big glasses, have clothes that don't fit, have longer hair, don't groom....oh dear god...

...

So...here is my call to action - take it back, nerds. Take back your identity. Take it back before it is taken from you by the flannel-wearing, pencil-mustached, tight jeaned, PBR drinking, ironic-for-ironic sake, obscure band listening, feminine, Silverlake hipster crowd. If not...all is doomed.

Patience is Waning

I haven't given up. No. But, I am almost there. I am spending $20/month for people to open my emails, stare at my profile and move on. This beats the gym, as far as black holes where my money goes. This only reinforces my disdain for online dating.

I can appreciate profiles that are up front about what they want:

Contact me if...
"You're tall, dark and handsome and have a lot of money"
"You can handle me"
"You love Jesus more than life itself."

I am not tall, burn instead of tan, don't have a single picture where I am smiling and I like my life more than Jesus...in fact, I like a lot of things more than Jesus. I know this person is shallow and wouldn't be interested. So, I move on. It's necessary triage.

But, not something like this:

Contact me if...
"You want to"
"You are sane, want to have good conversations and want to go out"
"You are fun and want to have a good conversation over drinks."

These "contact requirements" are so vague that it gives the idea that they will give anyone the time of day. Most of the time, they will not. They will look at your profile, read your message, shrug and keep looking for the same feminine-looking, 6 ft tall, sensitive a**faces they have always wanted. Their own PBR-soaked, flannel wearing, going-nowhere hipster/indie movie paradise. F***king hell.