I know I haven't updated my blog in about a month. So, here it goes:
Status Update: Emails, +1 Date (OKCupid).
I have been emailing some potential dates on Jdate and OKCupid (having more luck on OKCupid). Unfortunately, I have been running into the same obstacle - those who read my emails, respond with interest and then don't respond back after one exchange. I understand that you chose the online dating route to find dates, but if you are interested, try not to fall off the face of the earth once they respond back. I might be insane, but maybe a lack of commitment was the reason you went online in the first place.
Anyways...back to the reason for my blog - why LA sucks for dating. I chose to do this now because I am finding the "numbers game" to be a weight on my self-worth and because I finally have something to compare to - dating in Washington, DC:
Washington, DC is infinitely better than LA for dating because it is infinitely more accessible and has a higher amount of people in my age range with the same ambition and education level. There are so many places in DC that are easily accessible from anywhere in the District - Columbia Heights, Adams Morgan, 18th St, H St., Kennedy Center, etc. People my age go to DC to connect with others, whether it be for business or pleasure. It's just more sociable and less artificial.
Before going into a rant about LA (and the SF Valley), I would like to brandish my credentials. I have lived in LA for over 20 years. I know there are many in LA who will put this blog post down, and may call me cynical and characterize my argument as self-fulfilling. No. Not the case. I have the experience, and on a personal level can make a clarified judgement about the quality of the LA dating scene:
1. Vast distances - LA is a big city. You are either from the Valley or the city. If you are in Sherman Oaks and your date is 10-15 miles away in Santa Monica on a Saturday night, you are looking at an arduous trek through the concrete and auto jungle for 90 minutes of witty banter, a beer and another trek back. This may deter some, resulting in date cancellation.
2. Downtown/Westside/Valley/Silverlake/Ad Nauseum - A lot of online daters like to go to the trendy areas of LA. There are multiple problems with that:
Subsection 1: No Transit - Dates usually take place on a weekend at night. The transit situation in LA is such that it does not work or is completely shutdown on weekend nights.
Subsection 2: Car is Necessary, Parking is Elusive/Expensive - In LA, a car is necessary. It is almost taboo to not own/lease a car. You are often judged by the type/condition of your car. Your personality is often discerned by the car you drive. But, if you want to go to trendy date places, parking is elusive and/or expensive. Go downtown, it will cost you $10-20 for a nice 90 minute date (not to mention the extra $20-30 you shell out for expensive, watered down drinks at the Edison, Standard, W, or wherever). Westside parking is so elusive that parking restrictions will often be 5 signs deep. Silverlake, where all the hipsters go to drink PBR, wear skinny jeans, dawn glasses that they don't need, get their film nazi credentials and try to top each other on music obscurity (hey man...have you heard of the Monkey Peanut Butter Recorders. I heard them on [insert unknown radio show]. They were a good compliment to my PBR and American Spirits), has no accessible parking. I have declined offers to go to parties there because I know I will never find parking.
3. The people, the industry, the arts, philosophy and subjectivity - I lump all of these together because they involve a certain group of hipsters/new-age hippies/artsy/philosophizers/bullshit artists who are the least genuine people. They are like the liberal who doesn't accept other points of view. They listen to obscure music because it is obscure. They frequent local food stores and farmers markets, they are vegan or vegetarian and they often associate that with some sort of radicalism (See Immortal Technique's "Beef and Broccoli"). They tend to date within their own personality group. They like guys who are tall, pale, effeminate, skinny, wear skinny jeans, have glasses, have beards, drink PBR because its ironic (I like the taste, fuck you), listen to obscure music (I think I might have hammered that point in) and espouse their artsy side in such a generalized way that it makes me think if I put on some girls jeans and puked on a canvas I could get laid. Rants aside, I cannot fit in as I am short, pale, Jewish, not artsy and listen to mainstream music.
4. Dancing, Clubs and Vegas - I hate dancing. I hate clubs. I hate Vegas. All of these things together make me want to paint the walls with my brains. For some reason, girls from the Valley and the City love to go to Vegas, dawn expensive clothes, drink on some bros dime and then complain about how they can't find good men after a drunken tryst in the bathroom of an ironically-named club. Back away, not today, disco lady.
5. Complainers - Women on dating sites often complain about not finding a nice guy. On Jdate, its not finding a nice Jewish Boy. On others, its not finding the right guy, in general. What I find aggravating about this is that there are nice guys right in front of them. They are just too selective to give a shit.I once got an email that said my personality was very attractive, but that I should post more pics. I did. She never emailed me again. This might be an exception, but it doesn't seem that way to me when it happens most of the time. If you want a guy who is 6 ft+, with a ripped body and an intellect of a middle school boy, by all means, flirt away. But, please...don't complain about it later. Most of the time, you knew it was coming.
It's possible that I am not the ideal person for someone in LA. I don't work in the industry, I am not artsy by any means, I wear my personality on my sleeve, I don't have a "go with the prevailing winds" attitude and I am not 6 ft tall. I like what I like because I like it - not because someone told me I should like it. I am genuine, I care, and I sympathize because I have the ability to give a shit in a tangible way. That is, what I say is exactly what I mean.
In LA, I had a 4 hour date with non-stop conversation, where the ending was "I want to do this again." Then, she disappeared. I got an email from a girl who said she was interested in going out on the following weekend. I sent her a message, she never responded. Haven't heard from her since. Another girl said my personality was attractive, then stopped talking me after I sent her more photos. Another girl said she wanted to go out, kept dodging a time and then deleted her account. I found out later, she found someone else. Another girl asked specifically if I was single (outside of the online world) and gave my friend her number. She kept cancelling, then finally stopped answering my calls. We never ended up meeting. Another girl went on three dates with me in 6 months, and preferred sitting around in her apt to going out. She stopped answering my calls. I found out later that she moved to Ohio. A friend of a friend showed interest in me. When I finally met her at a party, she was hitting one someone else. Another girl said she was interested in going out, then did not respond to my emails about places/times. Out of the 200-300 messages I have sent out to girls in Van Nuys, Sherman Oaks, Valley Village, Los Angeles, Santa Monica, West Hollywood, West LA, Reseda, Canoga Park, Tujunga, Stevenson Ranch, Northridge, North Hills and some more, I have conversations with less than 20, and have gone on a whopping 2 first dates.
Someone please give me a reason to keep caring....
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